"Extended" nursing

As some of my friends may already know, I chose to continue nursing Dax after he turned a year old rather than wean him as is more common in our society.

Before I was a mother, I planned to breastfeed my children for 6 months. While I was pregnant, I found out that if I weaned at 6 months, I'd have to use formula until the baby was a year old. So I decided to up my goal to 1 year.

When Dax was a few months old, more reading, more exposure, and more research opened my mind to the benefits (and normalcy) of "extended" breastfeeding. A good list of the benefits of breastfeeding a toddler are available on this page for those who are interested http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html it is quite a lot.

Just making it to a year sounded like a very long marathon to me in the beginning. I liked keeping my options open in my mind... I'll wait until he's a year old... and see how it's going. The older he got the easier breastfeeding became, though. By the time his first birthday rolled around, it simply felt wrong for me to wish him a happy birthday and take away one of his favored activities and biggest source of comfort.

After his birthday, nursing became even easier than before. It still had all of the nice benefits but none of the pressure. It was less about nutrition (although still adds a lot, breastmilk for toddlers is higher in fat, still provides immunity, and has a higher concentration of vitamins than breastmilk for babies) and more about bonding and comfort. I didn't have to be as closely tied to either him or my pump anymore, longer time periods away were more realistic. He didn't nurse as often as before (down to a handful a day)... and when he did nurse, he was much faster than he used to be (he typically nurses for 5 minutes now... whereas the first 6 months of his life, his typical nursing sessions were 30+ minutes long).

Because Dax doesn't nurse too often, most people are probably unaware we even do it. Well except for me bringing it up or posting about it on my blog, that is. :) Before I was a mother, I never even considered the possibility of nursing beyond a year, the entire idea seemed foreign and odd to me. I now attribute those prior thoughts to the society where I was raised, where breastfeeding is not the norm, and people don't know what the normal course of breastfeeding looks like. There's a fascinating article here about breastfeeding in Mongolia, very interesting read. http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/07/breastfeeding-in-land-of-genghis-khan.html

One thing I noticed about reading that article was her mention of how children who breastfeed until they choose to stop (and they all do on their own, by the way) are more independent than those who are prematurely weaned. I'm not sure how much of Dax's independence is due to his personality and how much is due to the fact that he is still breastfeeding, but I realize now it is probably a combination of the two. Many toddlers are dependent on a bottle, pacifier, thumb, or security blanket, and this is considered normal in our society. The fact is that babies who are allowed to choose when to wean rarely attach to inanimate objects. They feel more secure. In our rush to push our children toward independence, sometimes we steal away the tools that help them achieve it.

What is surprising to me is how much breastfeeding my toddler is a helpful parenting tool. It relaxes me. He decides to be picky about what he's going to eat today? Not a big deal, as I know that my milk will custom make the nutrients he needs to fill in the nutritional gap on days when his eating is more limited than balanced. It has prevented mealtime from becoming a power struggle because I just don't need to worry about it. I offer him healthy balanced options, he can choose what to eat from that and how much. That's it. It also relaxes him and calms him like nothing else can even come close to doing... when he's frustrated or tired or upset or in pain... he'll latch on and nurse and just a few brief minutes later, it's as though he has recharged his emotional battery and his wonderful personality resumes, with him in control of his emotions again.
Another huge perk I've recently realized is when I'm pushed to my limits with him when he's tired or cranky and not sleeping well. Those moments when we just want more space away from our budding toddler because we're feeling angry and they're acting like they're a year old... even though they are indeed only a year old. The other day I put him safely into his room for a minute or two to take a breather for ME because I needed to calm down. His screams pulled at my heartstrings and soon I retrieved him and hugged him and held him, but I was still fuming in my head, though. He asked to nurse. So I let him. My anger and frustration noticably drained clear out of me. I was restored to my calm, loving mommy self. I was reminded how much I adored this little tiny boy. It's almost magical how nature has provided this hormonal calming for mothers, especially mothers of toddlers who certainly need it on days when their exploring toddler creates one problem after another. Nursing has helped me to be a better mom.

I have no plans of weaning, that is up to Dax, but I do hope that he waits until after he turns 2, as that is the MINIMUM recommendation by several authorities and heavily backed by studies, plus I want my risk of cancer to be reduced and I need to make it to 2 years for that. It's also nice during flu season to have a nursing toddler, when I see so many of my friends' children sick and absolutely miserable. He gets sick, sure, but his symptoms seem so mild in comparison, and often my first clue that he's sick is his increased frequency of nursing and sudden lack of interest in solid foods until he's feeling better. What a nice way to keep him hydrated and nourished and speed his recovery. No need for pedialyte or worries of weight loss here. I love being able to comfort him so well when he's feeling sick. Sure boosts my confidence in my ability to care for my own son.