This past Thursday, I discovered I was pregnant. Happy. Excited. Giddy. I had bloodwork done on Thursday and on Saturday. Amazing how fast our brains and emotions start churning when we find out that kind of news.
I couldn't wait to get Dax an "I'm the big brother" shirt. Was looking up information on all kinds of pregnancy-related topics from things I was thinking about after my last pregnancy. I was due May 8th, 2010.
I was waiting until Monday to let people know my happy little news. Due to my bicornuate uterus, I am, and always will be, at high risk for early miscarriage. Monday morning my doctor called me with my new bloodwork results. New little baby wasn't hanging in there. If it doesn't implant at just the right spot... not enough bloodflow to support the pregnancy.
So I'm feeling sad. This is the fourth baby I've lost to miscarriage. The first one after Dax, though. I will say it has been a lot easier for me this time. Having a smiling happy toddler around rather than empty arms and a quiet house makes the place seem less sad. It still feels like a piece of my heart has broken off, but my heart seems to have grown a lot since having Dax. And then I remember all of the many memories I have of Dax, and think of what a massive loss this is again. I know more clearly what I have lost.
Slow Cooker Troubleshooting
1 year ago
2 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear your news, Jessie. I had another miscarriage after Emma and before Katie and I know what you mean about it's not as bad, but in some ways it's even worse because now you know what you're missing. Remembering what a miracle baby Dax is probably helps and I pray that you'll have another miracle baby before long. Hugs!
Jessie, I'm so sorry to hear that. I never quite know what to say to news like this except keep hangin' in there and that Heavenly Father knows you best and loves you. I'd love to hear from you. I miss talking to you.
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